But why am I not happy? I asked myself severally while lying on my couch for hours unable to figure out what to do to change my position and situation.
I felt lost, but then I remembered to apply my secret weapon and instantly I switched from a sad state to a much happier state.
What did I do?
In this post, I will be sharing some emotional mastery techniques I often apply to switch my states and remain stable and happier regardless of challenges in my life
The first step to answering the question; why am I not happy, is to find out what is upsetting you. We ebb and flow by circumstances around us-however, learning how to master our emotions will help us remain stable through life’s challenges.
For example, when I felt unhappy and asked myself; why Am I not happy. I placed a searchlight on my mind to see if anything had happened to upset me.
Yes! There it was, I had had a little issue with my husband, and I didn’t like the outcome.
I was angry that I couldn’t prevent the quarrel that ensued, Also annoyed by the way he reacted. That resulted in a night of poor sleep for me.
So, I woke up the next day feeling gloomy and a little frustrated for lack of sleep. This even upset me the more.
Then like a light switch I turned on the light.
The next step to answering the question; why am I not happy, is to engage in the solution-finding process.
This is what I did.
Initially, I worried about his ‘insensitivity to my pain. But the more I worried and thought angrily about it, the angrier I became.
I caught myself on track at this point. I remembered this would push me off track and land me in more stress. So, I sat with myself (not with my partner) and decided to uncover my frustrations and find a way to regain my happiness.
As I engaged in the solution-finding process to answer the question- why am I not happy? I suddenly remembered my pre-rehearsed ideas.
What did I remember?
‘Do I only rejoice when things go well? I can trust God in my night times’. ‘Remember that night & day will always come, all you have to do is trust’- I continued
‘I forgive my husband because he is human and sometimes he knows not what he is doing.
These ideas helped me instantly switch from an angry depressed state to a happier, and joyful state. Why?
I often pre-meditated and rehearsed these ideas. They are hidden somewhere in my mind. I wrote them down and thought about them often-so, it came in handy when I needed them.
What about you. Have you taken the time to come up with beliefs and ideas to calm your raging storms? It takes preparedness to handle the issues of life.
I wrote extensively about monitoring your thoughts and how to be happy in this post.
The reason I lightened up and found the answer to the question- why am I not happy- is because I have learned how to stabilize my emotions with the right ideas and beliefs.
I recognize that circumstances of life affect our state of being, but can skillfully stabilize our mood by being in control of our thoughts.
Here are a few stress management techniques I use to eliminate stress and depression from my life.
I love the way this mind-valley video explains stress management
We often think life should go in a certain way, and when it is not going the way we thought-we break down-This is the main reason we are not happy.
This is what is known as the cognitive-behavioral effect. Your thoughts, beliefs, or ideas in your head affect your feelings or emotions. Change the ideas in your head, change your emotions.
The ideas and beliefs you hold in your head will determine whether you remain happy or depressed.
It takes practice to creatively come up with alternative beliefs and ideas that- come in handy- to calm your stormy angry mind.
The ideas in your heads can light you up, eliminate fears, anxiety, and depression, or enhancer your sorrows.
Words heal, so learn to come up with ideas that would heal you before you get into pain.
One of the reasons we often stay in the depression loop is because we have forgotten the practice of gratitude. The practice of gratitude will answer the question why am I not happy?
I encourage you to set aside 10 -15 mins daily to reflect on things you are grateful for.
this should become a habit. I do this daily during my meditation. This helps release your happiness juice (serotonin) because your mind cares not whether the event was in the past or present.
Remembering your past victories helps eliminate stress and unlocks the flow of happiness in your mind.
When you understand that night and day (bad times and good times) are seasonal you stop asking the question- why am I not happy-and start mastering the seasons.
Night times are the unexpected and unhappy situations of life. For me, I learned to trust the universal intelligence we call God. I trust that everything will happen for my good and not against me.
Stop trying to be in control all the time. Learn to lean on the universal intelligence we call God. Science has shown that people who believe in God, live longer and healthier lives than apathetic people.
Trust gives hope and Hope gives life.
This will help you end the question-why am I not happy-Decide that other people’s behavior will not determine your feelings of joy.
Decide to let go even before someone hurts you.
Why should you let go? Because they are humans-humans err.
Practice self-love.
If you have no money, go learn some problem-solving skills and serve others. This will raise your self-confidence.
Do not give your power away by thinking others should love you more than you love yourself. If you feel enough, you attract the right people into your life.
If you are wondering why am I not happy, it may be because you are waiting for certain things to be happy in your life to make you happy. Perhaps you have learned about the movie called the secret.
The movie encouraged us to use our imaginations to create the future or realities we desire.
However, it is easy to focus on the future we admire or remain in the past we abhor-and forget our present wins.
To live in the present, remember your past victories (gratitude), and trust that your future dreams will happen. The difference between a goal and frustration is belief.
I have too many things I want to happen in my life that are yet to happen but I have learned to trust in the universe. Trust is when your father promises to give you food-and you absolutely can trust his capability to do so.
While it is great to have goals and visions of the future, I encourage you to trust in the capabilities of the universe or god to make it happen. Trust brings peace-even when it has not yet happened.
It takes practice to master a skill. Happiness is a skill.
Also, I have listed some of the practices that will help you remain peaceful amidst the challenges of life.
I understand that we ebb and flow most of the time. Life may not be rosy always. The difference is in our preparedness.
It takes consistency to build and sustain mental muscle-memorize these tips I have given here and watch your life blossom.
I hope this guide helps you answer the question; why am I not happy and bring peace to your mind.
Feel free to share with me your happiness strategies in the comment section below. I will be glad to hear from you.
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