If you are wondering how to forgive someone who has hurt you, but finds it difficult to forgive, you are not alone. This is because anger is addictive.
It is like trying so hard to give up smoking. You can’t do so easily until you give up the underlying beliefs fueling the behavior.
You Don’t Need Willpower To Forgive, You Need To Change Your Beliefs.
Have you ever come across calm people, who rarely take offense and have the know-how to forgive and influence other people with kindness and love?
Do you think they struggle to forgive? No, there are beliefs they already imbibed or memorized fueling their actions and behavior.
Let me share some of the beliefs people like that have imbibed that help them act peacefully and calmly while you act angrily and unforgiving.
How To Forgive & Let Go: Everyone Is Judged By their Actions
People who know how to forgive and let go of anger have memorized, these underlying beliefs.
They Understand The Universal law of Sowing & Reaping
- ‘I understand that the law of sowing and reaping exists, and I feel sorry for them (people who do wickedly or hurt me wrongly) because they lack understanding of the consequences of their actions.
They Respond with Sadness & Love Instead
2. ‘I do not need to resent or hate them because I know the consequences of their actions. However, I am saddened by the fact that they do not know or understand this law, therefore I choose to forgive them in love.
3. If they knew what awaits them for these wicked actions against me or their fellow men, they wouldn’t act foolishly or wickedly. I feel so sad that they behave this way
4. ‘People don’t owe me apologies or explanations for their stupid behaviors. They will give an account of their own actions someday’ So, why try to judge them again? I let them go.
How To Forgive: Anger Is A Learned behavior
The first step on how to forgive is to understand that anger and unforgiveness are not the only way to respond to situations. We learned the wrong approach from movies, parents, or people around us.
There are other ways we could respond to angry situations as listed above-we simply didn’t learn them.
The Illusion of Control & Strenght
Remember watching a movie and seeing the reactions of an angry actor? We learned over time, that the only way to respond to offenses is exploding in anger.
And as we respond in anger, we gain attention and control because the other person at the other end is now at our mercy of forgiveness. And the behavior is reinforced because we got attention when we reacted in anger.
Unfortunately, this is an illusion of control because, rather than being in control of your emotions, you allow other people’s behavior to determine how you react-and you lose control of yourself.
The real strength or control is choosing to do nothing even amid angry situations because you know the consequences of their actions.
How To Forgive: Peace & Calmness Is Power
You would learn how to forgive easily once you change the underlying beliefs fueling your anger. Before now, you may think that the only way to respond to angry situations or offenses is anger or unforgiveness.
Above I listed the four beliefs that control the behavior of loving and peaceable people.
Think about this, how would you feel if someone offends you, insults you, or hurt your feeling and you do not feel offended or angry. Imagine you get to that point, where you are calm, peaceful, and gentle even amid offense.
Isn’t this picture appealing? Isn’t it someone you would be proud of becoming? If it appeals to you then here is how to forgive and let go easily-Practice.
Meditate & Rehearse These Beliefs Daily
This is the secret of how to forgive and let go of anger easily without struggle- memorize & rehearse daily the four beliefs I shared above.
Make it a daily practice to think about the people in your life or workplace who spitefully use you or hurt you and practice forgiving them ahead of time
Now you know that man is judged by his actions. Feel pity and sadness for people who hurt you and pray for those who spitefully use you so that their offenses be forgiven.
Remember, you also, are without sin. Think about the people you may have carelessly hurt in your life and, decide to forgive yourself for your stupid actions.
Also, I shared a post on how to change your life for the better here. It should give you more insight into self-love
I have given you the secret of how to forgive and let go. Daily I review and rehearse these beliefs I shared above. I hope you do the same.
Sometimes, you feel bad that you couldn’t defend yourself in situations that led to your abuse or hurt. And you take it out on yourself. There is no need to hold on, now you can let it go.
Besides, unforgiveness is unhealthy.
How has this concept come to you? If you have any questions about this topic let me hear from you in my comment box.
To Your Peace.